Image © Olivia Parkes 2018
| by Vanessa Peterson | April 6, 2018 |
just to be your man. I fall in love
with your eyes. Cute dress. Do me
a favor—wear them more often.
I usually only chat up 30 somethings
but you seem pretty sexy. I have
a dog, but he’s a dick. If you want to
take a chance, text me. We’ll meet
at the SPCA. I’ll let you play with my
cup of coffee—I’m not a biter. Are you
my appendix? ‘Cause I have this funny
feeling in my stomach—I need to take you
out (that came out lame). Is there any way
to convince you to try my cheese
fetish? Stop being so cute. What makes
you think you deserve my love, you whore?
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Lines for “I Would Slap an Elf in the Middle of Winter” taken from OkCupid dating site:
“By the way, I usually only chat up 30 somethings but you seem pretty sexy” —captnubblebunnz
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“I would slap an elf in the middle of winter just to be your man lol” —gatorbaitNFL
“Is there any way of convincing you to try, do, or watch me do my cheese fetish?” —foursex
“Cute dress. You should wear them more often” — masterdivision
“if you want to take a chance text me at *********. I’m not a biter lol, ok that came out lame” —HartEater27
“Hey I have a dog but he’s a dick” — Dan_Sol
“I fall in love with ur eyes” — Rachiiid3
“We’ll meet at the SPCA for dogs, and I’ll let you play with my cup of coffee.” —STRMQQ
“You whore, what makes you think you deserve my love? :p” —lover33333334
“Do me a favor and stop being so cute” —manofurdreamsss
“Are you my appendix? Cause I have this funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like i need to take you out” —Camaraojacob
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Vanessa Peterson is currently attending graduate school at Arcadia University where she’s studying to receive her MFA in poetry and is also a current poetry editor for Marathon Literary Review. She lives in Northeastern Pennsylvania. Her work can be found or is forthcoming in Unlost Journal, Boston Accent Lit, and Occulum.
Olivia Parkes is a British-American artist and writer based in Berlin. Her work has been published in Electric Literature, Zyzzyva, Hayden’s Ferry Review, American Chordata, The New Haven Review, Gone Lawn, and Blue Five Notebook.